I distinctly remember my first date with Clayton Kimbrough. He met me for lunch at a little sandwich shop in Cleveland, Ohio.
I wanted to order a salad, or a vegetarian sandwich, but seeing that Clayton was a dude, and was from the great state of Texas, I wanted to impress him. I didn’t want him to know on our first date that I was vegetarian. I feared he would think I was one of the “salad girl types.”
So, when he offered me a bite of his bacon infested sandwich I not only took a bite, but I proceeded to tell him I loved it. (I hate bacon.)
He later on found out and still tells that story to friends. Its funny now, but looking back I really was trying to change who I was to impress him.
Girls get so many mixed messages when it comes to getting the guy. We hear don’t order a salad on the first date. Show him your appetite, get the hamburger!
Don’t get too attached. Don’t show your emotions. Don’t text him first. Don’t pursue him. Be sexy, AND love sports. Don’t wear too much make-up or heels, you don’t want to come off as high maintenance. Don’t ask too many questions. Be more laid back.
All of this advice is enough to make a girl’s head spin.
This whole chill girl thing goes far beyond ordering a salad on a date. It’s about girls who change their whole identities to please a man
We hide who we are as women for fear we will appear “too girly.” You never see a man pretending to be into shopping, and emotions just to get the girl.
As girls we need to stop changing ourselves just to get the guy. It’s ok to not drink beer, its ok, to have feelings and actually like someone beyond sleeping with them.
Needing to define the relationship is ok.
All of these messages have turned some of us girls into laid back terrible versions of ourselves, who basically have an opinion about nothing.
The last thing we have to stop doing as girls, is hating on each other. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve heard these words come out of a girl’s mouth:
“I hate girls they are the WORST.” I can only hang with guys, because girls are BITCHES.” “Guys are like way easier to hang out with, there’s just no drama.”
This simply isn’t true. Yes, some girls are bitches, and yes some girls are hard to hang out with, but not all of us.
I have mostly girlfriends, because that’s who I genuinely feel comfortable around.
Bottomline: Always, always be yourself. Don’t change who you are, or what you like for a dude. Don’t pretend. They will eventually find out. If you have feelings for a guy, and he doesn’t like you back, have the courage to move on. Don’t pretend you don’t have feelings just to please him. You hurt only yourself in the end.
If you are a girl and have a bad experience with a few girls, please don’t ruin it for the rest of us, we’re not all that bad. I promise. 😉