Before you continue to read this blog post, you must make me a promise, ok?
You must promise NOT to judge me. You must promise to hear the truth and pain in my writing. You must promise to try and relate to the words in this post.
Ok, if you can do at least one of those promises, you can keep reading.
I’m feeling the need to be vulnerable today, because I believe that’s what writers do. They share their inner most thoughts in hopes that someone else can relate or connect to them.
Today I am feeling confused. I look into my future and have no idea what I want it to hold. I am currently in a job, that I love. But, I don’t know what direction I want my career to take. Some days, I want to be a journalist and then others I want to work in government. It changes weekly.
Today I started an application to join the Peace Corps. Some part of me wants to leave the comfort of my suburban lifestyle and volunteer in a 3rd world country. That’s the adventurous side of me.
The logical side of me wants to go back to school this fall. Ideally, I would attend Cleveland State University. But, this thought terrifies me because then, I’m afraid I will stay in Cleveland for all of my life. There is nothing wrong with my hometown, in fact, I love it here. But, the world is huge and I need to experience it.
I’m afraid I will fall in love with a guy here, get married in the next year or so and stay in this state for the rest of my life. (Please remember your promise to not judge me on this one.)
My heart and head are spinning with all the options in front of me. The spinning in my head is causing me to experience physical anxiety. My heart is pounding and my palms are sweating.
I’m not sure what to do with my life right now, and its making me crazy.
Can you relate? Have you ever been confused about which road to take? How did it make you feel?