Vulnerable

Before you continue to read this blog post, you must make me a promise, ok? 

You must promise NOT to judge me. You must promise to hear the truth and pain in my writing. You must promise to try and relate to the words in this post. 

Ok, if you can do at least one of those promises, you can keep reading. 

I’m feeling the need to be vulnerable today, because I believe that’s what writers do. They share their inner most thoughts in hopes that someone else can relate or connect to them. 

Lost

Today I am feeling confused. I look into my future and have no idea what I want it to hold. I am currently in a job, that I love. But, I don’t know what direction I want my career to take. Some days, I want to be a journalist and then others I want to work in government. It changes weekly. 

Today I started an application to join the Peace Corps. Some part of me wants to leave the comfort of my suburban lifestyle and volunteer in a 3rd world country. That’s the adventurous side of me. 

The logical side of me wants to go back to school this fall. Ideally, I would attend Cleveland State University. But, this thought terrifies me because then, I’m afraid I will stay in Cleveland for all of my life. There is nothing wrong with my hometown, in fact, I love it here. But, the world is huge and I need to experience it. 

I’m afraid I will fall in love with a guy here, get married in the next year or so and stay in this state for the rest of my life. (Please remember your promise to not judge me on this one.) 

My heart and head are spinning with all the options in front of me. The spinning in my head is causing me to experience physical anxiety. My heart is pounding and my palms are sweating. 

I’m not sure what to do with my life right now, and its making me crazy. 

Can you relate? Have you ever been confused about which road to take? How did it make you feel?

 

6 thoughts on “Vulnerable

  1. My first thought is – do not be concerned about if people will judge. People inevitably will from time to time. Do not let that bother you. That is not a weight you must carry. My advice is to pray and keep moving forward each day the best you can until you feel a peace with a certain direction in life.

  2. I appreciate the honesty and can definitely relate. I feel like I have the ambition to do something but no sense of direction whatsoever. So instead I do nothing. This makes for a lot of anxiety. I know America thrives on providing us with the freedom to pursue the career of our choice, but sometimes I wish China would take over and assign me a career. I don’t care if they make me a stableboy, I’m sick of making these life-altering decisions! Of course I’m joking (I think) but you get the point.

    1. I def get the point! I feel like I’m in the same position. I want to do big things, but I’m not sure what they are so I stay in the same place. Good news is, I never stay still for long, so soon enough I will be embarking on another new adventure. 🙂

  3. Last year I felt the same way! I felt like I wasn’t doing anything with my life and really wanted to get a career moving. I was applying to law school and hoping that I would get in, but then realizing I would be stuck without a job for three more years. I applied and got in…sooooo

    I finish my first year of law school tomorrow and let me tell you…I am so happy I went back to school! Even though it has kept me in Cleveland for at least two more years, I feel like once I graduate the options are endless! I feel very at peace about where I am and really feel like when I graduate I am only going to be 26! I still have so many years ahead…so don’t feel trapped. If you want to go back to school, go back to school! You can always transfer or stop if it does not work out. But, don’t feel like that makes you stuck! Going to law school was the best decision I have ever made and instead of making me feel like I am stuck…it has made me feel like I am free to do whatever I want!

    Danyella 🙂

    1. I’ve been meaning to reply to this comment for awhile now. Danyella, I could not agree more. You’ll be happy to find out I just applied for grad school in the fall at Csu. I see how getting my grad degree will help me broaden my options. 🙂 pretty excited about it, your comment def pushed me in the right direction.

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