So here’s the deal. There are a lot of misconceptions about marriage out there, especially if you are a young couple freshly married. Some of these misconceptions are good. Some are bad. Some are surprising. Some are confounding. However, through it all, there is one thing that remains true about: it is how you react and respond to the misconceptions — as a couple — that will define your marriage down the line.
Misconception #1: Once you are married, you don’t have time for others.
This is not true. It is not that you don’t have time for others; rather, you have to work harder at making time for others. Your life becomes a giant balancing act: Spending time with your spouse vs. friends, spending time with your family vs. in-laws, spending time alone vs. with your spouse.
Granted, finding the balance in your joined life is not easy. You will probably make more mistakes than you do correct decisions. You will disappoint your spouse and he/she will disappoint you. You need to make sure that the lines of communication remain open. That is the only way that you will find the proper amount of time with each other and with others.
Misconception #2: A child will be on the way once you are married.
This could not be more false. If and when a child is on the way is completely up to the couple. Yes, you will receive plenty of pressure from friends and family. I can’t stress that enough. You will receive PLENTY of pressure. But in the end, it is completely up to you and your spouse. Don’t let what other people want you to do determine your future. When you are ready, you will know it.
Misconception #3: You married your best friend.
This is complete and total garbage. You did not marry your best friend. You married your spouse. Would you file joint taxes with your best friend? Would you have a joint bank account with your best friend? Would you travel to your best friend’s work at 4 a.m. because she wants something to eat and forgot dinner at home? No, no and no.
If you continue to think of your spouse as your best friend, bad things will happen. The relationship between a married couple and a pair of friends is completely different. You have to view your spouse as your spouse. Because having a spouse is even closer than a best friend. Trust me.
Misconception #4: You are so in love that you will no longer see others.
Point blank, this is untrue. When you get married, you will, at times, begin to dislike your spouse. Things that they do will grate on your nerves. You will become so accustomed to them that you will begin to overlook them. You will see other women/men and begin to think about being single again. You may even come close to acting on impulses that could be dangerous.
Don’t panic. That is normal and only the first step in the process.
Yes, you will find yourself attracted to people who are not your spouse. The beautiful thing, though, is that when you do, you will compare that person to your spouse. And doing that comparison will remind you of why you love your spouse in the first place. It will make you realize that you are being stupid. It will make you realize that this person you are attracted to could never live up to your spouse.
Misconception #5: Divorce is always an option.
I guarantee there will be some disagreement with this one, but it really is not always an option. It is the last option. The option that comes after you have tried everything possible.
I have been married for eight months. I have had my fair share of issues and arguments with my wife. I have not once come close to divorce.
Yes, it is still early in our marriage and things can change. However, I doubt that divorce will ever happen. That is because both my wife and I understand that divorce is the LAST option.
Nowadays, too many people enter marriage thinking that if things go south, they can always get a divorce. That is the biggest issue with the world today. That is why divorce rates are at record highs. People enter marriage thinking divorce is always an option. As soon as things start going south or the honeymoon phase passes, they would rather get a divorce than have an uncomfortable and difficult conversation to rectify differences.
When divorce is viewed as the last option, things will get better. I promise. You will learn things you never knew about your spouse. You will appreciate him or her more. And I guarantee that, even though you will hit rough patches, your marriage will be the envy of your friends. I know mine is.